


the first night

by nefarians



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:12:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8168050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarians/pseuds/nefarians
Summary: "You forfeit the place in our bed, you'll sleep in your office instead."
The first night after the publishing of the Reynolds Pamphlet





	

Alexander came home to a quiet house, neither the sound of Angelica nor Eliza chattering away in the living room greeted him when he opened the door. All the lamps were out, and he bumped into the hall table and sent letters tumbling to the floor.  
He groped along the wall the rest of the way, making his way to the bedroom but not before stopping at the door to his office. 

It was ajar, with his table lamp burning brightly. Stepping and closing the door behind him, he noticed something felt odd, he scanned around. All his papers were in the same place he left them he noted as he moved around to the other side of his desk, except for one addition. A copy of the Reynolds Pamphlet was sat on top of piles and piles of writings. That was when he noticed his sleeping clothes folded neatly on the cabinet to his right, along with a change of clothes for the morning. 

Unable to move for a moment that felt like it dragged on for years, he stood staring at the pamphlet that sat on his desk.  
Thoughts ran through his mind at a million miles an hour, how to fix it, how to redeem himself, how to undo what he did, how to win Eliza back to convince her it was over. 

He grabbed the pamphlet suddenly and crumpled it in his hands, he tore pages up, he tore every page up and when he was done he sat on the floor of his office.  
His chest was heaving he could breathe, he had nearly drowned once but this was worse. This was heavier, he couldn't swim up and get air, he couldn’t swim down and down and die, allowing all his breath to leave his body. So he sat, on the floor of his office for hours, with the feeling of complete and utter helplessness sitting in his chest and for the first time since he was a child, he wept.

***  

The first night for Eliza was painful, which she had expected. She refused her sister’s offer to sleep in her bed with her that night, it would be difficult, Angelica told her, to sleep alone after so many years with a body beside her. 

She refused every time her sister offered, she wanted to do this herself, she knew if she could get through the first night she would be fine when Angelica went back to London. They both blew out the lamps together, and then Angelica held her sister tightly as she could. Standing outside her bedroom, Eliza tucked her head into the crook of her sister’s neck while Angelica gently stroked her back like she used to when they were both young girls.  
“I’m only a few steps away,” Angelica reminded her, placing a gentle kiss on each cheek before turning to go to the guest bedroom, only a little way down the hall. 

Eliza slowly made her way back to her bedroom. Mindlessly she closed the door, walked to her dresser and began combing her hair. She felt her eyes grow heavy, so she changed out of her gown and into her nightdress and made her way to the bed. 

As she looked at the bed it was as if someone had lit a fire in her chest. She pulled the covers back, slowly, methodically, checking to see if there was anything, any evidence, a hair or a piece of clothing that was proof of the girl that Alexander had slept with so many times.  
She knew she wouldn't find anything but something came over her and she threw every pillow off the bed, she tore the sheets off the corners and threw those too until she was left with nothing but a bare bed. 

The thought of someone else being in her bed disgusted her and she felt sick to her core, her hands shook and she couldn’t breathe but she didn’t cry. She stood for a moment, getting her breathing back under control. Moving slowly to the linen cupboard she pulled out a fresh sheet, laid on the bed and pulled it over herself, not bothering with anything else. 

There she lay awake for hours, and just as she was about to drift off the heard the slam of the door and the thump of the hall table.  
She could hear his footsteps echoing through the house, and for a moment everything was the same.  
Alexander was home late as usual, but he soon would come quietly into their bedroom, place a kiss on her forehead and apologise for waking her (she was always up until he came home to her), she would reply with some sleepy remark and roll over and doze off. 

But this time his footsteps stopped in the hall, and she could hear the sound of his study door close. And then Eliza cried, deep sobs that wracked her entire body until she was gulping in air and her tears had all dried up.  
Slowly, the sobs grew less frequent and eventually she slept.

**Author's Note:**

> yo so this is the first ham fic i've written also the first fanfiction i have written in a long time  
> this is basically a fill in the blanks type thingy, details are vague but basically i wanted to write eliza and i wanted to write about eliza and ham and i had to write about burn bc i've been listening to act 2 way too much
> 
> also guess who didn't proof read (me)  
> welcome to my entire academic career, my motto is Type and Send


End file.
